


Lies

by trollmela



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drinking, Language, M/M, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-03
Updated: 2012-11-02
Packaged: 2017-11-17 15:20:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/553017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trollmela/pseuds/trollmela
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Sam, it was all too easy to go from trusting a demon to trusting a Trickster. But despite whatever it was that Sam and Loki had started, Sam wouldn’t listen to the demigod’s warnings. He didn’t know that time was running out but Loki did and if he wanted to avert the apocalypse he knew was coming, he had to take a more active role and play his role of the Trickster to perfection.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written for the sabriel_mini on livejournal.
> 
>  **Link to art by siiy:** [This way](http://siiy.livejournal.com/395448.html#cutid1)  
>  **Download link to fanmix by solara1357** : [Here](http://www.mediafire.com/?41o3zzgbwcc0nc5)
> 
> The story sets in after season 3.

It was June and Sam didn’t expect to see much beyond the bottom of a bottle. The very last thing he’d expected, however, was finding the Trickster in the middle of an orgy. The demigod didn’t seem nearly as surprised as Sam or perhaps he was simply better at hiding it.

“Come on in, Sam, there’s always room for one more,” he called.

Sam was grateful the demigod hadn’t called him ‘Sammy’. He had drunk a few beers already so he couldn’t tell whether the feeling of yearning was his own or triggered by someone in the room. He didn’t kid himself into thinking that the Trickster was the only supernatural being present. In fact, he was quite certain because there simply were no women who looked like the three sharing bed space with the Trickster and another two men.

“Nymphs.” The Trickster winked at him. With a snap of his fingers, the door closed behind the hunter. One of the nymphs sat up and approached Sam, gently guiding him to the bed.

Sam wasn’t in the mood for gentle. Dean was dead. His brother was in Hell and Sam was alone. Dean had made him promise not to do anything stupid once he was gone. Granted, drinking too much probably counted as something stupid but alcohol was something Dean would at least have been able to relate to. These days, Sam lived in it.

He still hunted. He was reckless and he was drunk more often than not but, so far, he’d survived. It wasn’t something he necessarily wanted to celebrate.

But the nymph’s mouth was hot, her body smooth and curvy and her hair as soft as silk. He tried to shut his brain off and, with it, any protest that he didn’t know what he was getting into. These days, his ‘voice of reason’ sounded painfully much like Dean, and Sam imagined that his brother would have pitched a fit if he could have seen his baby brother climb completely without protection – in more ways than one – into bed with the Trickster. Without Dean by his side, he was anything but the smart one.

The nymph was soon joined by a second and Sam moaned as they wrapped their bodies around him, fondling and caressing him, kissing and licking his skin. Perhaps Sam was wrong: Dean would have applauded this way to go.

“You’re worrying too much,” the Trickster whispered into his ear. Sam hadn’t even noticed the demigod until he was right in front of him.

Then they were kissing. At first, he tasted like candy. But there was more underneath and Sam dived in to find out what. He couldn’t place the taste. The Trickster didn’t seem to mind that Sam tasted mostly of alcohol. His tongue slid along Sam’s in a way that indicated centuries of practice. This probably wasn’t his first, second or even third orgy either.

Sam was pushed and pulled onto the bed and the soft mattress was a relief to his back, which he hadn’t even realized was aching. The nymphs unbuckled his belt, giggling as they stroked over the hard-on in his jeans. He lifted his hips and they pulled his pants and underwear off, his dick rising unrestrained from his lap.

He didn’t know whose hands slipped up the double layer of his shirts. There were at least three. Sam arched his back when one of the nymphs took him into her mouth. There was a snap of fingers and his shirts disappeared. Having a Trickster as a lover clearly had its advantages.

“Not just the one,” the demigod chuckled. “I want you. But first, I want you to beg.”

“Haven’t…” Sam groaned as the nymph between his legs tongued the head of his dick. “…haven’t I done that enough?”

“But you’re so pretty when you beg,” the Trickster answered and Sam should, and did, hate him for it. The last time, he’d begged for an end to the never-ending Tuesdays and an end to seeing his brother die.

The nymph released him, leaving his cock shiny and wet. She turned to one of the other males, her companion having done the same a while ago.

“You know, you’re lucky. Me and Eros there made a bet: to get through the interesting parts of the Kama Sutra and the Perfumed Garden in less than a week. This is our last day.” The Trickster winked at him.

The Trickster kissed him again and Sam bit down harshly on the demigod’s lips. He jerked back.

“Ow!” He cried out, giving Sam an incredulous look.

The Winchester smirked, a few drops of blood staining his lips and teeth.

The demigod took it as the challenge it was and threw himself on top of Sam, holding him down with inhuman strength. Sharply, he bit Sam’s left nipple. The Winchester knew he probably wouldn’t get out of the hold but he tried anyway, not bothering to be nice about it. He didn’t want gentle and the demigod was the perfect choice to tussle with.

He raked his nails down the Trickster’s back, tasted his own blood on the demigod’s tongue and pushed his hips up into the other man’s groin.

“Get on with it,” he demanded.

“Getting impatient already? First, you need to drink something. Otherwise this night will not end up good for you.” The demigod lowered his voice to a faux, conspirator’s whisper. “You know, because of our superior stamina and all that. You need a few extras to keep up with us.”

He snapped his fingers, making a cocktail glass appear, complete with a pink umbrella and an orange slice on the rim.

“What’s this?” Sam asked suspiciously.

“Oh, the usual: pomegranate, mango, orange juice, a few other fruits and some pagan benefits that work better than Viagra.”

Sam pulled a face. The Trickster merely rolled his eyes.

“Take it or leave it. But I wouldn’t advise you to do it without this.”

Telling his inner voice one last time to shut up, Sam grabbed the glass and drank it down.

“There you go! Down the hatch,” the Trickster grinned. “Now that your engine’s all revved up, we can finally get down to business.”

Later, Sam wouldn’t remember much more than flashes.

* * *

When he woke up, he felt as if nothing was out of ordinary. He was relaxed and sated and, for the first time in what felt like months, not aching anywhere. The mattress was soft, too soft to be a motel bed, let alone the run-down house he had taken to staying in, and the ceiling looked different, too. No ugly stains, for one. But he wasn’t in the room where the orgy had taken place either.

“You’re at my place. One of my _lairs_ , I guess you could call it.”

Sam quickly sat up. The Trickster was sitting on a couch, munching on a bar of Snickers and watching him. Sam was naked but the Winchester didn’t think much of it. After all, he’d had sex with the Trickster the night before.

“Why did you take me to your home?”

“Always with the questions, Sam…”

“Why?”

The Trickster pulled a face. “Are you kidding me? That house you’re squatting in is as disgusting as a zombie’s bowels. And it stank of demons.”

That came as a complete surprise to Sam. For a brief moment, the Winchester wondered whether it was someone associated with the crossroads demon; perhaps they had come to offer him a deal after all. He needed to go back to the house. Now.

“They won’t offer you a deal,” the demigod said.

Sam frowned, hating that the Trickster could invade his mind so easily. He could simply pick up everything about Sam out of his mind, while the hunter didn’t even know his name.

The demigod feigned a hurt expression. “Aww, Sammy! You slept with me and didn’t even both to ask me my name?”

“I didn’t ask the nymphs or the two others either. And you never bothered to introduce yourself.”

“Because I thought you’d done your research on me!” The god whined. “I thought research was your way to get a hard-on?”

Sam waited until the Trickster finally huffed in defeat.

“The name is Loki. Nice to meet you, too, Sam Winchester.”

“So, since you’re the all-powerful Loki, I’m sure you can provide for breakfast.”

“Whipped cream with strawberries?” Loki leered.

Sam merely blinked. “Something more substantial would be nice.”

The Trickster grumbled but complied. Of course, the strawberries and the whipped cream were on the menu anyway but Sam didn’t mind as much as he pretended to.

* * *

It was still June and Sam was more than half drunk as he bent over the washbasin, struggling to cut off his shirt. He could feel the blood trickling down his back and he strained to see the wound in the mirror. Finally, he was able to remove the shirt, hissing as it stuck to his skin. There were five claw marks dug deep into his back, just to the left of his spine.

He braced himself to catch his breath and took another drink from the bottle of cheap whiskey.

“Woohoo, that’s some trouble you got yourself into.” Loki ambled, uninvited, into the room.

“Can you sew?” Sam merely said through clenched teeth.

The Trickster’s expression softened. “I can do you one better. I can heal it for you.” He lifted his hand, preparing to snap.

“No!” Sam objected.

Loki raised his eyebrows incredulously.

The Winchester struggled to find the right words. “I’m not your toy. I’m human, and I’ll stay human. I want you to do it the normal way.”

The god looked like he wanted to object but when Sam didn’t back down, he sighed, rolled his eyes, and snapped up a needle and thread instead.

“You had better hold still. I’m not Frigg, you know.”

He made to lean in and get to work but, at the last moment, Loki jerked back with a wrinkle of distaste.

“Whew, Sam, when did you last take a shower? If you have to sleep with a demon, at least have the decency to wash the stink off you! Some of us have a sensitive nose!”

“Shut up,” the hunter pressed out.

Loki kept complaining under his breath and making funny faces at Sam’s back which the hunter could see in the mirror but at least he did his work. As the needle pierced Sam’s skin, the Winchester admitted to himself that the reason he hadn’t wanted Loki to heal him was because it was the pain he wanted.

“You’re one sick puppy,” Loki commented, confirming Sam’s suspicion that he was listening in on his thoughts.

Loki might not have been Frigg but he obviously knew enough to do a good job. Still, the scratches were long and required many stitches; by the time the god had finished, Sam was drunk.

Pushing off the counter, the hunter stumbled into the bedroom. He looked like he wanted to lie down on the bed but, with a remorseful look at his bottle, he realized that he wouldn’t be able to drink very well lying face-down. So he yanked out a chair and straddled it instead.

Loki had followed him out.

“A thank you would be nice,” he said.

“Thank you,” Sam repeated the words tonelessly and took another swig from the bottle. Mournfully, he noted that it was almost half empty. But he was certain he had a few more bottles somewhere.

“You know, you’re a bad conversationalist, bucko. I thought you’d be a happy drunk.”

Sam only stared at him expressionlessly.

“Right, I forgot; you’re not a happy anything.” Loki leant back against the kitchenette’s counter. He watched as Sam opened a new bottle. “So this is what you do now? Drinking yourself into a ditch and sleeping with demons? I don’t think Dean would like it if he knew what you are doing. Of course he doesn’t know because he’s busy being roasted on a stick in Hell.” His playful tone as well as the irritating waggling of his eyebrows made Sam want to kill him. Or at the very least punch him.

Sam glared at the demigod. “She’s helping me.”

“Helping you? Are you even hearing yourself? Demons don’t _help_.”

“This one is. Obviously she wants Lilith dead as much as I do.”

“Right.” Loki laughed.

Sam jumped off the chair and advanced on the god. “You don’t know what it’s like!”

The Trickster’s expression turned unusually serious. “Actually, I do. I also lost a brother. An older brother. He taught me a lot of what I know. I idolized him. And I’m not proud of what I did when he was gone. But if you go on the way you are now, you’ll make a big mistake that you’ll regret for the rest of your short little human life.”

Sam sneered. “I can’t imagine that I’ll ever regret killing Lilith. And I will kill her.”

“With a demon at the wheel of your short bus?” The Trickster shook his head. “Sammy, Sammy, Sammy.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Remember how I warned you before? During the time loop? You really didn’t learn anything.”

“You didn’t explain yourself.”

The Trickster scoffed. “Why don’t you just listen to your betters like a good little human?”

Sam didn’t reply.

“That demon is manipulating you! What did she promise you before? To save Dean? And yes, I know about that too.” He looked smug. “Didn’t get you very far, did she?”

The Winchester clenched his teeth. “She’s going to help me kill Lilith!”

“Right.” The demigod turned abruptly serious. “And what do you have to do to kill her? Trust me, Sam, demon blood isn’t a party favor. It will change you and it’s addictive. We’re talking worse than heroin here. A lot worse.”

Sam swallowed. He knew that the Trickster was sincere and it was nothing he hadn’t told himself plenty of times since Ruby had returned. Except that she hadn’t told him that he’d be addicted to the blood.

“What would you do?” He finally asked. “What would you do if you needed more juice than you have?”

The Trickster actually had the guts to shrug. “I’m the Trickster,” he said in a way that suggested that he considered the rest self-explanatory. 

For Sam, it was the last straw.

“If you’re so goddamn powerful why won’t you get him back?!” Sam bellowed, throwing the now empty bottle in his hands at the demigod in his mindless anger.

The bottle shattered harmlessly on the cabinets while Loki reappeared behind Sam and caught Sam’s still extended arm.

“Don’t,” he warned.

But Sam turned and lashed out anyway, punching Loki squarely in his jaw. It felt like hitting a brick wall but the pain didn’t register through the haze of alcohol. The demigod forced him backwards but the hunter was too drunk, too angry, too heartbroken to gather his senses. Instead, he leant in close, dug his fingernails into the demigod’s neck and kissed him violently.

Loki kissed back hard, his mouth a bruising force on Sam’s lips, his tongue battling the hunter into submission. His eyes, usually that warm, brown-gold color, were hard and seemed to glow.

“Alright, if this is what you want,” he growled, as he moved them to the bed where he pulled the human down on top of him. “You can fuck me, as hard as you like. The only one it will hurt is you.”

Sam ripped Loki’s shirt open.

“Hey!”

“Make a new one,” Sam growled before he bit cruelly into the demigod’s shoulder. The Trickster merely laughed.

“I wouldn’t recommend drinking my blood. It doesn’t mix well with demon blood.”

The hunter released him and looked up. “How could you tell that I…?”

Loki scoffed. “I can see it right inside you.” The demigod kissed him again and when he had taken a taste he added: “I can taste it too. But tell you what, you give me a blowjob with that mouth and I won’t complain.”

Sneering, Sam roughly opened the demigod’s belt, unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them and his boxers down. Without breaking eye-contact with Loki, he lowered his head and took the Trickster into his mouth. He looked as if he hated doing it but he was too good at it for that. His tongue licked the demigod’s dick thoroughly and sucked on him hard, coaxing him to full hardness.

Loki moaned loudly, his hips thrusting his dick deeper into Sam’s mouth. The hunter pulled off and stripped off his jeans. He was only half hard and he wasn’t sure he’d get any harder with what felt like more whiskey than blood in his veins.

“Lube,” he demanded, holding out his hand.

The demigod rolled his eyes. “What, am I your maid service now?”

Sam snorted. “You wouldn’t look that good in a maid’s uniform.”

“I look great in a maid’s uniform,” Loki protested. He snapped up a bottle of lube, extra-large.

Sam didn’t take much of it before he pressed two fingers too quickly through his own entrance. He had changed his mind; he didn’t want to fuck the Trickster, he wanted to _be_ fucked. Even through the haze of alcohol, it hurt. But he forced himself to accept it, forced himself to take another finger.

“Slow down, idiot. You may not want to enjoy this but I do.”

Loki grasped Sam’s hips, supporting him with inhuman strength even with one hand while his other slid between Sam’s legs. His fingers were lubed and he spread it around Sam’s hole, removing the hunter’s fingers and replacing them with his own.

“I want it now,” Sam growled as he strained against the Trickster’s hold.

Loki gave in, allowing Sam to position himself over his erection. Sam groaned as the demigod’s thick penis slid into him and didn’t stop until he had taken him to the root.

He allowed himself a moment to adjust. Then he raised himself off Loki until only the head of his dick was still inside the human, and lowered himself quickly. The stitches on his back hurt from the exertion but he didn’t care. He repeated the movement, faster and harder, moving to turn the stabs to his prostate and crying out at the pleasure bursting through him.

“Yeah, that’s it,” the demigod encouraged him, his hips moving to match Sam. He reached for the human’s dick and managed to coax it to hardness. Sam was riding him in earnest then, finally seeking the pleasure he denied himself and it didn’t take long to achieve it. He shuddered, his body tightened and squeezed the Trickster’s climax from him.

He collapsed. Loki caught him, taking the opportunity to kiss him again. Sam was pliant against him, allowing the demigod to press their lips together and eagerly opened his mouth against the Trickster’s lips.

“Now you taste like me,” Loki said.

With the last of his strength, Sam pulled away, Loki’s softened penis slipping out of him. He slumped onto the mattress with his back to Loki. The demigod stroked the skin of his hip and with a snap of his fingers, cleaned them both. Sam didn’t react.

“You can enjoy life, you know,” the Trickster said.

The hunter didn’t reply. After a while, Loki sighed heavily.

“I swear, you boys-“

“Don’t,” Sam interrupted him and turned around. Now that the anger had evaporated, all that was left was grief. “Just don’t.” He turned his head but it didn’t prevent Loki from seeing his eyes shining with tears.

The demigod looked as if he wanted to remain unaffected but eventually his expression involuntarily softened.

“You killed him, too,” Sam said.

“Yes. But I always brought him back.”

Loki wrapped an arm loosely around the hunter’s waist, his fingers gently mapping the contours of the human’s stomach.

* * *

Sam’s head hurt. He strained to pull the demon’s essence out of its vessel, sending electric shocks of pain through his own brain. He didn’t want to stop but eventually he had to.

The demon laughed. They always did once they realized that Sam didn’t have the necessary power to exorcise them. Sam tried again, then a third time. It wasn’t enough and still too much for the hunter; he fell to his knees, his hands grasping his head in a vain attempt to alleviate the pain. He only vaguely became aware of Ruby stabbing the demon with her knife. It was the fifth one since they’d started this thing.

She scratched away the paint of the devil’s trap and crossed it to reach his side. Her hand was cool as she touched his forehead. Later, Sam would hate himself for leaning into it.

“Nice show,” Loki commented as he stepped out of his hiding place.

Sam’s head jerked up, groaning as the move was accompanied by more pain. Ruby swung around, brandishing the knife at the demigod.

“Who are you?” She demanded.

Loki grinned. “A friend of Sam’s. Just like you.”

“Sam?” The demon questioned him.

The hunter snorted. “He’s right.” Muttering he added: “And isn’t that the biggest joke in the world.”

With great effort, he rose and stumbled into the next room of the rundown house to take a drink. These days the whiskey was never far from where he needed it.

“That’s not gonna help, bucko,” Loki, who had followed him, said. He raised two fingers to Sam’s forehead. To the hunter’s relief, the pain was gone instantly. He pulled a face when the next sip he took was of a slushie, which was so cold and sugary it hurt his teeth. The demigod ignored the dirty look he received.

“Perhaps I should have asked ‘what are you?’” Ruby spoke up. Her dark eyes were watching the Trickster warily.

Loki seemed to enjoy her rising impatience so Sam broke in before the situation could escalate.

“He’s Loki.”

“A Trickster,” Ruby realized.

“Wow, look at what they taught you in demon school,” Loki taunted. “I hope they also taught you to get out of a Trickster’s way, otherwise you’ll find yourself back on the highway to hell really quickly.”

“Loki,” Sam interrupted, throwing him a warning look. The demigod gave an unrepentant shrug.

Ruby didn’t take the bait, whether for Sam’s sake or because she was afraid of the Trickster, Sam couldn’t tell.

“Why don’t you take care of the body?” Sam suggested. She took it as the dismissal it was, threw the body over her shoulder and left.

“What are you doing here?” Sam asked Loki once the door had closed behind her.

“You mean I can’t visit my boy toy when I feel like it?”

The hunter raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “Boy toy? Me?” He snorted.

“Would you believe it if I said I wanted to check you weren’t doing anything stupid? From what I’ve seen so far you’re on your best way to doing something stupid.”

“You weren’t exactly throwing out alternatives.”

“I shouldn’t have to! You should know yourself that what you’re doing is wrong! You should know that Dean wouldn’t want this for you! You should know that demons lie!”

“Are you saying you’ve never lied?” Sam itched for another bottle of whisky. He knew there had to be something in one of his bags. But when he opened them he found only more bottles of slushies, pops and even a milkshake which had once been Baileys.

“Stop doing that!” The hunter snapped.

“Getting off the alcohol won’t harm you. It might even help you see straight!”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do,” Sam pressed out between clenched teeth. He was almost in the demigod’s face, easily towering over him but Loki wasn’t intimidated.

“Do we have to finish all of our conversation like this?” The Trickster questioned in a bored voice, rolling his eyes for emphasis.

With a single shove, he had Sam pinned to the wall and slammed his mouth over Sam’s. The hunter resisted only briefly before he opened his mouth under the demigod’s onslaught and responded in kind.

“So this is the way the great Sam Winchester ticks? You want to get fucked into submission?”

Sam strained against Loki but it was more of a token protest. The Trickster slammed his hips into the Winchester, flattening him against the wall and letting him feel his arousal. Sam was beginning to think that Loki could get it up anywhere.

“Anywhere and anytime,” Loki chuckled. He blatantly groped Sam’s crotch, roughly bringing him to hardness.

Sam pressed his mouth to Loki’s and pulled at the demigod’s shirt. Loki thrust his tongue into the human’s mouth, fucking his mouth as if giving a preview of what he planned to do. He withdrew only long enough for Sam to pull his shirt over his head and drop it to the floor. Then he attacked Sam’s neck. He had already noted that Sam’s earlobe was especially sensitive. The hunter threw back his head to give Loki access.

“Do you want it? Like this, hard, against the wall in some rundown crap house?”

Sam groaned but didn’t answer. But his body spoke for itself, his dick bulging in his jeans, his eyes full of desire, and his lips kiss-swollen.

“Come on, Sammy, say it: do you want it? Do you want me to fuck you?”`

“Yes, dammit,” Sam hissed. “I want you to fuck me.”

The demigod chuckled dirtily. Sam didn’t even notice Loki closing the door in Ruby’s furious face with a subtle wave of his hand.


	2. Chapter 2

It was July and Lilith was in town. Ruby attempted to stop him, calling him on his intention of a kamikaze attack. It was probably the only time she wished Loki were there.

“That's stupid,” Sam denied. Armed only with the demon knife, he walked out.

 

Of course it was a trap. The demons knew it, Ruby knew it, Sam knew it. Loki knew it, too. Ruby took care of the first demon with her knife. The second pinned her to the wall. Sam was about to take the little girl in his arms out of the house – a human girl, not Lilith – when Loki appeared. The demigod took one look at the standoff between the demons.

“Let’s go,” he said to the hunter and grabbed him by the arm.

“We have to help Ruby,” Sam protested, refusing to budge.

Loki looked displeased. “We don’t have to do anything.” He turned away to go.

Frustrated, Sam made his decision in a split second. He pushed the girl at Loki and said:

“Go then.”

Then he went for the knife and stabbed the demon into its back.

 

“That was stupid. Absolutely and utterly stupid,” Loki said once they were back at Sam’s current headquarters.

“For once, I agree,” Ruby concurred. “I told you up-front that this was a trap. And even if it hadn’t been, you’re not ready to take on Lilith.”

“Oh right,” Loki mocked. “Because according to you, Sam needs your blood to kill Lilith.”

Ruby gave him an angry look. “He needs demon blood! I happen to be one.”

“Which is exactly why he shouldn’t trust you.”

“But he should trust you? As if a Trickster is that much better.”

At a gesture of Loki’s hand, the demon flew through the air and hit the opposite wall with a crash. She remained pinned a few feet above the floor and her struggles did nothing to help.

“Haven’t I warned you?”

“Stop it!” Sam shouted.

Slowly, Loki obeyed and released the demon. Ruby dropped to the floor.

“Out!” The hunter commanded.

“Sam-“ Ruby protested.

“No,” the Winchester cut her off. “Get out, both of you. I need time to think.”

Loki looked no less displeased than the demon. But when Sam didn’t give in, he pulled a face, said, “Fine,” and snapped his fingers to teleport himself away.

Ruby took the conventional way out and used the door.

* * *

“You know, it took me a while to catch on.”

“Catch on to what?” Loki asked. He was sitting on the ratty bed that Sam never used, eating ice cream that looked like chocolate caramel with a large cream topping, chocolate sprinkles and even more caramel syrup on top of that.

“’Rapist attacked by dog’,” Sam read out loud off the screen of his laptop. “He lost his dick,” he added pointedly.

Loki laughed gleefully.

“That was you!”

“Not exactly.” The demigod raised his index finger. “I didn’t turn myself into a dog and chew his dick off. I could, of course but…” he shuddered theatrically.

“So that horse story is true?” Sam gave him an amused look.

Loki raised his chin challengingly, a sullen look on his face, but didn’t answer. Sam raised an eyebrow. The demigod rolled his eyes.

“Yes, all right? It’s true!”

“So you have an eight-legged horse running around that’s your kid?”

“He’s not running around,” he sulked. “Odin is a possessive bastard and keeps him in a stable under lock and key.”

Sam didn’t know what to say to that. “You’ve been pulling pranks for the entire last month, always once I’d left town,” he said instead.

“Took you long enough to find that out, bucko. If you’re like this on your hunts-“ Loki whistled through his teeth. “I see a bloody ending for you.”

“Why do you do this stuff?”

“Hanging around with you? Yeah, sometimes I wonder about that myself.”

“No, these pranks!”

Loki spread his arms. “They deserve it!”

“Not everyone gets what they deserve.”

The demigod shrugged. “I can’t be everywhere at once.”

“So what, you’re some kind of angel of justice? What you do isn’t justice, it’s revenge.”

Loki laughed uproariously. “An angel? Have you been drinking again?” His expression turned dark. “You of all people should know that there is no justice. What you humans have built up feeling all righteous: courts, juries, judges,… you’re fooling yourselves.”

“So what gives you the right to exact revenge? The fact that you’re a god? You’re not the only pagan around.”

Loki merely blinked calmly, entirely unimpressed. He was clearly unwilling to be deterred of whatever path he had paved for himself.

“If you exist, what about God?” Sam asked.

The demigod’s face became shuttered. The rest of the ice cream disappeared from his hands uneaten.

“You shouldn’t ask me that question,” he warned.

The Winchester pressed on anyhow. “Why not?”

“You sure you want to hear the answer?”

The hunter nodded. Loki leaned forward to the foot of the bed. Sam could see his amber eyes; there was none of the usual sparkle in his eyes, no mischief, no humor. Only dead seriousness.

“He doesn’t care.”

* * *

July turned into August and it became increasingly difficult to balance both Ruby and Loki. Ruby said one thing, Loki said another and the only things they would agree on was that Sam needed to stop drinking and that he had suicidal tendencies. If Sam were honest with himself, he’d probably agree.

Ruby had him practice his powers without the demon blood but the results were far from satisfactory. She reminded him that the blood and subsequent powers Azazel had given him as a baby hadn’t made him powerful enough to exorcise demons. According to her, he needed ‘fresh juice’. Sam was beginning to believe her.

Despite the attention he received now from two sides, he still missed his brother. At his worst, he drank himself into a stupor. The demigod couldn’t always be around to turn his alcohol into soft drinks but he still had the talent to appear at the worst of times. But if the Trickster had learned one thing about Sam, it was that he was easily put to rest by sex. Once it might have been more his brother’s habit but it seemed that Sam had picked it up in his absence. So if Loki found him on his way to getting drunk, he’d snap them to a bed and chase Sam’s grief away in other ways.

It was a good method but not a perfect one. Dean was still often on his mind. So it was not entirely unexpected that one night he asked:

“Why can’t you give me Dean back?”

“I’m alone, Sam. Not even I could do it alone,” Loki said from where he reclined against the headboard of the bed. “Besides,” he added, “it’s too late.”

Sam forgot to breathe. Images of blood and torture invaded his mind and for a moment he thought Loki had sent them before he realized they were his own. He swallowed down a sob as he thought of Dean. Had he given in? Had he become a demon too? Would he get out of hell one day, possess a human and force Sam to exorcise or kill him? Or would Sam already be dead by that time?

“If I can’t have him,” Sam pressed out, “I want Lilith. Ruby says only I can kill her.”

“That’s a bit of an exaggeration but as far as humans are concerned, she’s probably right. Lilith is very powerful. She was the first demon Lucifer created.”

“Could you kill her?”

Loki didn’t answer.

“I need the demon blood,” Sam continued when no answer came and the demigod didn’t contradict him.

“Don’t kill her, Sam,” he warned.

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“You ask too many questions.”

“And you don’t give enough answers.”

 

The next time Sam saw the demigod, he looked unlike himself: he seemed in a hurry, quite different from his usual laid-back self.

“I have to go away for a while,” he said.

Sam looked at him curiously, wondering why Loki even told him that. He had never done so before but ‘a while’ could be longer than the usual couple of days or even the occasional week he was away.

“Perhaps I can tell you about it when I’m back. Until then, I want you not to do anything _stupid_ and I’ve said it so many times now, it’s getting ridiculous. So let me put this clearly: You’ve been psychic since Azazel dripped blood into your mouth when you were six months old. You don’t need the demon blood to strengthen your powers, it only makes you _think_ you’re stronger.”

“How do you know about Azazel?” The hunter interrupted.

“Let’s not kid ourselves, bucko. I know most of what’s going on here and when I’m back, I’ll know everything. Don’t let Ruby fool you. The only reason she wants you to drink demon blood is because an addict is easier to control.”

“If she’s lying to me and trying to make me go darkside, I’ll kill her.”

Loki chuckled darkly. “I’ve considered that. But she might prove useful to keep up a smokescreen or two. Leave her be for now and wait for me.”

This time he didn’t even snap as he took his leave. Until then, Sam hadn’t even known the Trickster could manipulate the world around him without this gesture.

* * *

It was September. Dean came back. Sam thought they were saved when the angels came. Ruby didn’t see it his way; she was scared and she wanted to leave but if Loki was right about her, she’d be back.

What surprised him the most was the fact that she warned him of the angels, telling him to watch himself. He wasn’t scared of them. Knowing they existed had made him the most hopeful he’d ever felt.

Ruby didn’t stay away of course. She wanted to continue his training and Sam agreed. Since Loki had revealed that the psychic powers were his own, he was less hesitant about using them. They were useful and he was confident that he could use them to do good. Dean, on the other hand, had always been spooked by his abilities so he didn’t tell his brother about any of it.

Inevitably, he found out anyway and his reaction was as Sam had predicted: furious and unwilling to listen. Dean walked out and Sam was only able to speak to him the next day at the motel room. Their talk went no better than Sam had expected; at least it wasn’t worse. He only got punched twice and it did nothing more than bruise his jaw and split his lip. Sam knew his brother could punch harder if he wanted to.

“Do you even know how far off the reservation you've gone? How far from normal? From human?” The older Winchester shouted.

“I'm just exorcising demons,” Sam protested.

“With your mind!” Dean yelled. He struggled visibly to calm himself. Finally he asked: “What else can you do?”

“I can send them back to hell. It only works with demons, and that's it. Look, I've saved more people in the last five months than we save in a year.”

“That what Ruby wants you to think? Huh? Kind of like the way she tricked you into using your powers?” Dean shook his head sadly. “Slippery slope, brother. Just wait and see. Because it's gonna get darker and darker, and God knows where it ends.”

“I'm not gonna let it go too far. I’ve got it under control. I’ve got help.” Even as the words left his lips, Sam realized that bringing up Loki would not be a good idea at this point. Nor at any other point. For Dean, the line between good and evil, between human and monster was as clear as it had ever been. For Sam, it had blurred long ago and he was willing to accept Loki as his ally.

“Help, huh? Do I even want to know who that is?” Dean turned away. Furious, he threw the lamp on the side table off its post. It sailed over the small TV, the light dying as it smashed into the wall.

“Keeping even more secrets are you?” Dean shook his head again. “It's already gone too far, Sam. If I didn't you know...” He pressed on mercilessly. “I would wanna hunt you. And so would other hunters.”

It hurt hearing it. Sam should probably have expected it. But he was still unprepared for the pain in his chest, for the hurt inflicted so mercilessly by his brother, probably the only person he had never thought he’d have to guard himself against. His eyes were wet as he tried to defend himself.

“You were gone. I was here. I had to keep on fighting without you. And what I'm doing... it works.”

“Well, tell me, if it's so terrific,” Dean gave him a mocking look. “Then why'd you lie about it to me?”

Sam looked away in shame.

“Why did an angel tell me to stop you?” The older hunter continued.

Sam was taken aback. “What?”

“Cas said that if I don't stop you, he will. See what that means, Sam? That means that God doesn't want you doing this.”

The younger Winchester swallowed.

“So, are you just gonna stand there and tell me everything is all good?” His tone turned mocking. 

It wasn’t as if Sam had never had doubts before. But this was the first time he honestly questioned whether he had been right to go as far as he had with Ruby. He wished Loki were around but at the same time, he feared his return. It would mean the next confrontation with Dean.

 

The demigod returned at the beginning of October, just a few weeks after Dean’s resurrection. He appeared in their motel room while Dean was out, most certainly as the demigod had wanted it.

“Finally!”

Loki smirked. "Did you miss me?”

Sam had but he’d be damned if he admitted it.

“I’m flattered.” The demigod’s smile was as infuriating as it was reassuring.

But despite Loki’s pretense of business as usual, Sam could see that he was no less tense than the last time he had seen him.

“What happened?”

“More than you know. The angels didn’t yank Deano out of hell for shit and giggles.”

“They want him for something,” Sam spoke out loud what he’d suspected for a time now.

“Smart, kiddo.”

“They need him to stop the apocalypse?”

“Maybe?” The Trickster drew out the word in such a way that Sam knew without a doubt that Loki didn’t think so.

“What else?”

“Things aren’t what they seem, that’s all I can say at this point. Where’s the demon?”

Sam was thrown off by the sudden change of topic but wouldn’t have it. “What do you mean that’s all you can say?” He closed in on the demigod. “I’m starting to get sick of the two of you jerking me around.”

Loki immediately turned serious. “Believe me, my intentions are way better than hers. Now where is she?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen her in a while. We practiced my powers a bit, without the blood. I managed to exorcise demons. Dean found out.” Sam paused. “I’ve stopped using them.”

The demigod shrugged. “We won’t need them.” He grinned. “I’ve set the stage. They’ve provided the actors and the script. Now all we need to do is play their game.”

The hunter frowned. “What is their game? And who are they?”

“You’ll find out, eventually.” And without even answering the second question, the Trickster disappeared.

* * *

When Sam finally met the angels, he wished he hadn’t.

“The boy with the demon blood.” Was that what he had been reduced to in the angels’ eyes? But more than that he was hurt by how little they cared for humans in general. ‘Mud monkeys’ Uriel called them. Uriel, an angel who was a specialist at laying cities to waste.

The seal still broke, despite their best efforts. Loki came to them too late, just as Sam was attempting to exorcise Samhain without success. Sam merely slowed Samhain down and managed to give himself a headache. Having assessed the situation within the blink of an eye, Loki picked up Ruby’s knife, which Sam had lost in the fight, and stabbed the demon. But Dean had already witnessed the younger hunter’s attempts at exorcising Samhain. And he had seen Loki.

“So is this the other secret you kept from me?” The elder Winchester demanded. “A demon isn’t enough for you, you have to work with the _Trickster_?”

“You had better show some gratitude, Dean,” Loki rebuked him before Sam could speak up. “Your brother would have been a dirty stain on the floor if it hadn’t been for me because you would certainly not have been able to reach him in time!”

“Dean, this isn’t the first time he saved my life. And if I can look past the fact that he stuck me in a time loop where I had to watch you die over and over again, then so should you.”

“If he’s the one ‘helping’ you keep an eye on Ruby, I can’t say that I see your future being any brighter.”

“Dean,” Sam protested.

The older man cut him off. “Save it. I don’t want to hear it.” He gave them an angry look. “Let’s just be glad for now that this town is still standing.”

 

The next day, Sam was packing his bag while Dean was out. Loki was sitting on Dean’s bed, quiet for once. Suddenly, Sam saw him tense out of the corner of his eye and, when the hunter straightened, he realized that Uriel had appeared.

“A pagan Trickster god,” Uriel stated as he gave Loki a derisive look. “Go back to your lair, this isn’t for your ears.”

The Trickster merely laughed but to Sam it sounded forced. “You’re kidding right? This is the best entertainment I’ve had in decades, centuries even!” He gave the angel a challenging look.

Deciding to ignore the demigod after a last, disgusted look, Uriel turned to Sam.

“Tomorrow, November 2nd, it’s an anniversary for you,” he began.

“What are you doing here?” Sam demanded. He already didn’t like where this was going.

“It’s the day Azazel killed your mother, and 22 years later your girlfriend too. It must be difficult to bear, yet you so brazenly use the power he gave you. His profane blood pumping through your veins.”

“Excuse me?”

“You were told not to use your abilities.”

“And what was I supposed to do? That demon would have killed me, and my brother and everyone.”

“You were told not to,” the angel repeated.

“If Samhain had gotten loose in this town- “

“You’ve been warned, twice now.”

“You know? My brother was right about you, you are dicks.”

Behind Uriel, the Trickster laughed.

“The only reason you’re still alive, Sam Winchester, is because you’ve been useful. But the moment that ceases to be true, the second you become more trouble than you’re worth, one word, one, and I will turn you to dust.”

Loki sniggered. “Empty threats, feathers, really.”

Uriel slowly turned around to face him. “I wouldn’t bet on it,” he replied.

“I would.” The Trickster waggled his eyebrows.

Uriel sniffed and leant closer to the demigod, causing Loki to take a step back with a frown: “Get out of my face, overblown chick!”

The angel dismissed him then and turned back to the hunter. “As for your brother, tell him that maybe he should climb off that high horse of his. Ask Dean what he remembers from hell.”

There was a flutter of wings and the angel was gone.

“Aren’t you afraid of them?” Sam asked. He had certainly felt a shiver running down his back.

Loki laughed uproariously. “Of a few winged ass-hats? Hell, no. If I wanted to, I could kill angels like him with a snap of my fingers.” He gave Sam an unpleasant grin as he snapped playfully. The Winchester believed him.

“The angels say they’re following God’s orders,” Sam changed the topic. “That would mean that you were wrong: God does care.”

The demigod snorted. “I wasn’t wrong. The angels are not following God’s orders,” Loki claimed confidently.

“How do you know?”

“How can they be following His orders if He’s not in Heaven?”

Sam had to process that before he went on: “Castiel seems pretty convinced that they’re orders from God.”

“Castiel is a bit too young and not high enough in the foodchain to know better. If he were he wouldn’t be so faithful. It’s quite endearing, really.”

Sam tried hard not to let the Trickster see his emotional struggle. Unlike Dean, he had always had hope in a higher power, hope that one day their struggles would be rewarded. What was he supposed to believe in if God wasn’t even in the building as the demigod claimed?

“Believe in yourself,” Loki answered his unuttered thoughts. “Maybe believe in the people you trust.” He chuckled bitterly. “Just don’t trust them too much.”

Sam obviously wasn’t buoyed by the answer. The demigod sighed.

“I’m sorry, Sam, there really isn’t much I can give you. As far as we are concerned, we can’t trust those angels. They’re not telling things the way they are.”

“They saved Dean,” Sam tried to argue. It counted for something, counted for a lot to him.

“Why after forty years and not earlier?”

The Winchester had wondered about that too but had not dared to raise the issue with Dean. He didn’t want his brother to have to even think of hell, although judging by the nightmares there was nothing he could do about that. And after his meeting with the angels, he didn’t want to ask them either.

“Maybe they couldn’t?”

“Why Castiel?” Loki continued. “Why an angel of a lower order instead of someone stronger, like, I don’t know, an _archangel_?” The demigod paused to watch Sam’s reactions on his face. “Maybe it’s not a case of ‘couldn’t’ but ‘wouldn’t’. Ever thought about that?”

If Sam had not considered it before, he certainly did now.

* * *

The next time Loki showed up was after they had met Anna. Sam was starting to get the impression that the demigod was avoiding the angels despite his claim that he could kill them, so he had used Ruby to play the demons off against the angels.

“Where have you been?” Sam demanded. “We’ve had angels and demons against us and could really have used some help!”

His stitches still hurt. He had been forced to sew his shoulder himself because Dean had had a dislocated shoulder.

“I couldn’t be there,” Loki defended himself.

“Why not?” Sam’s eyes were dark with anger, his brows drawn together in a fierce frown.

The demigod sighed. He leant in and replied in a low voice: “Listen, I can’t be around those angels too much.”

Sam’s expression softened slightly. “Is it because they could kill you?”

Loki chuckled without humor. “Hardly. I need more time. I swear I’ll tell you what this is all about but I need more time.”

“You don’t trust me,” Sam accused him.

The Trickster looked thoughtful. Finally he said: “The angels can pick your thoughts out of your head if they want to. They can make you think you’re talking to your brother or a friend, or anyone else, but it will be them wanting to know what you know and use it against you. That is why I can’t tell you anything. You can lie to your brother, you can lie to humans, you can even lie to Ruby. But you can’t lie to an angel, not if he really wants to know the truth. Do you understand?”

Sam nodded reluctantly and carded his fingers through his hair. It was getting long again.

“What do I do?” He wondered aloud, asking both himself as well as the demigod.

“You go on the way you have so far. Don’t let the angels get to you. I’m sorry I can’t be around much but it could risk everything.”

“What about Ruby?”

“Keep her close. Go with her when you can but be careful. Watch yourself and don’t drink her blood.”

The demigod looked as if he wanted to say more but he decided not to.

“Can we fuck now?” He asked instead. “I’m sick of snapping up cheap copies. They never moan like you do.” The Trickster gave Sam a dirty grin.

* * *

In January he got asked a question which was so simple, so easy, and yet he didn’t know an answer to it. “Are you happy, Sam?”

He was quiet as they left town, laying his head against the Impala’s headrest and looking blankly out the window as Dean listened to Alice In Chains. He was still mulling over it when they stopped at a motel somewhere in the next state. Dean went in search of a bar, Sam just wanted some peace. Loki came to him while he was surfing aimlessly on his laptop.

“I could hear you thinking from a mile away,” he said.

“Just memories,” Sam replied listlessly.

The Trickster leant against the wall, watching Sam mutely. The younger man turned away from the laptop toward the demigod but his eyes remained fixed on the floor.

“An old teacher of mine,” the hunter began slowly, “I met him again on our last case. He asked me whether I was happy.” Loki remained silent as Sam searched for words. “I think I must have been. But it was so long ago…” The human shook his head. Helplessly, he looked up.

Why was he even telling Loki about this? A few months ago he wouldn’t have done it. He’d rather have drunk his uncertainty away than talk about it with the Trickster. He knew he couldn’t go to Dean about it. His brother wasn’t a great choice for heart-to-hearts at the best of times and lately a distance had come between them that prevented Sam from speaking when he needed it most.

Loki pushed himself away from the wall.

“I’d love to tell you that it’s gonna be all right again,” he said. “In a few months this will all be over. But I don’t know how it’s going to end. I have a pretty good idea. I’ve done what I can to make sure it ends well. But I can’t promise that you won’t still end up a wreck when it’s over.”

The demigod’s put his hand on Sam’s shoulder, the tips of his finger softly rubbing his shoulder through the shirt. The hunter had long learned to deal with fear. Sometimes it was even useful. And it wasn’t entirely unexpected but it still made him shiver as it spread like ice in his chest.

“I shouldn’t trust you,” he remarked.

Loki gave a shrug. “The way I see it, kiddo, I’ve got the best offer.”

Sam stood. He was always taller than the demigod, but with his hunched shoulders he didn’t look like it next to the Trickster’s straight back and lifted chin.

The Winchester closed the distance and pressed his lips to Loki’s mouth. It was probably the softest kiss they had ever exchanged. The demigod gently nipped at his lower lip, his arms wrapping around Sam as the human did the same. Sam didn’t say it, couldn’t stand and admit it, too afraid of asking for something he didn’t think he was likely to receive. But he thought it, hoping Loki would pick it up and take it the way it was meant.

_Make love to me._

Loki moved them to the bed, deepening their kiss, coaxing Sam to open his mouth so they could taste each other. His hands were quick and nearly imperceptible as he undressed the human.

Sam let go. He allowed the demigod to lead, responded to his kisses and his touch but mostly he enjoyed receiving them. The demigod didn’t mind. They sank nude onto the mattress, their bodies entwined and their lips locked in a kiss. For the first time they did not only give harsh and brutal gropes and take the pain with them, they gave tender and soft touches and took comfort in them.

And when they were done, they rested together on the bed without the usual ache of abused muscles. Only the sticky evidence of their release remained between them, which Loki hadn’t bothered – or perhaps wanted – to snap away. Sam didn’t even care that Dean could return at any moment; he might still not have been able to answer Mr. Wyatt’s question, he might not exactly have been happy, but at least he was at peace.

* * *

The next day, Sam woke and Loki was gone while his brother had returned. He was sitting at the room’s small dining table, shoving a muffin between his teeth and now and again taking a deep sip of his coffee. There was another cup still steaming on the table. Dean’s eyes were fixed on Sam and it looked like he had been watching Sam for a while now, just waiting for his brother to wake up.

Sam wiped the sleep from his eyes.

“Why him?” Dean asked.

The younger man only blinked mutely.

“No, seriously, I want to know why. I mean, I come back and all of a sudden you’re hanging out with demons, tricksters and I don’t know what else. Are you sleeping with Ruby, too?”

“No,” Sam denied, ignoring that he had indeed slept with her a few times in the beginning before Loki had misquoted the bible to him and said: ‘You shall have no other demigod or demonic or other supernatural lover before me.’

Dean was clearly expecting more than that. Sam cleared his throat.

“’Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer’. That’s Ruby. She’s helped me, yes, but there’s something she’s working toward and I’m still not sure what exactly that is. But I know I can trust Loki when he says I can’t trust her. He’s saved my life several times and he’s been helping us as much as he can. He’s powerful, Dean.”

“What do we need _his_ power for with _angels_ on our side?” His brother protested.

“The same angels you called dicks? The same angels who wanted to kill Anna and a town of over a thousand people? Dean, faced with those kinds of angels I’d rather trust a trickster.”

“So his name is Loki. All this time it’s always been Loki we were up against.”

“So he says.”

“What do you mean _‘so he says’_? You think he’s lying?” Dean snorted. “Do you know how screwed up this is?”

“I don’t think he’s lying exactly. I think there’s more to it, that’s all.”

Dean was still shaking his head.

“Was it him or Ruby who made you use your psychic powers?”

Sam gave him a dark look. “I was probably born with this, you know.”

“Says who? Ruby or Loki?”

Again, the younger man avoided the question. “The point is, I could actually be doing good with them. And for the record, it was Ruby who started training me to use them.”

“How do you know using them won’t change you? That it won’t make you go dark-side?”

“Not all of the psychic kids went ‘darkside’, remember?”

“But some did. It’s not good enough, Sam. It’s just not good enough.”

“I heard you the first time. I’m not using them anymore.”

“Good. And as for Loki: I don’t care how much _you_ trust him, I don’t. Spare me the sight of the two of you cuddling. And I want to know when you hang out with him so I know where to start looking if you don’t come back.”

Everything in Sam protested against this treatment. Sam had long gotten used to his brother wanting to protect him but this was Dean wanting to control him. He practically demanded the right for himself to rule over Sam’s life and the younger man had never handled this well.

“Do you know how much like Dad you sound right now?” He asked pointedly.

There was not even a twinge of regret on the other hunter’s face. “I guess he was right after all. Now eat your breakfast, take a shower and pack up,” Dean ordered. “We’re leaving in two hours.”

“I’m not hungry,” Sam shot at him. He threw back the covers, walked unabashedly naked to the bathroom and forcefully shut the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

It was amazing what a dying woman’s words could do. 

_“If you think you have good intentions, think again.”_

Pamela was blind but she still knew that Sam had not exorcised the demon by natural means. Dean was suspicious because Alastair’s power had not affected Sam and the younger Winchester felt boxed into a corner. It seemed as if everyone was expecting him to become evil. He started a list.

Andy, Ansem, Ava, Jake, Lily, Max, Scott.

Of the seven people he knew to have been Azazel’s children, four had decided to use their abilities for evil. He was the eighth person but in which category did he fall? Good or bad? Andy or Ansem? Or perhaps Lily, the one who killed her girlfriend with her freak powers without meaning to?

Recently he had been having the feeling that while Dean’s outlook had changed to black and white, his own had turned to shades of dark gray.

Pamela was buried in her hometown. The brothers attended the funeral but stayed in the background. Bobby was there, too, the rest seemed to be friends and family. Sam had kept away from them but he couldn’t help but overhear them talk about how shocked they were that just a few months after Pamela’s sudden blindness she had been killed in a mugging. That, anyway, was the official story.

Of course Sam regretted her death, too, no less so than his brother. But while Dean, as he had said himself, was ‘getting tired’, Sam fueled himself with anger. That and alcohol had been his way of surviving Dean’s death. Loki might have successfully cut him off from most of the alcohol; but he hadn’t been able to take his anger. For Sam, it was a tool; it had worked before and it was still working.

He wished so dearly that they could take a break, for Dean’s sake at least. Their relationship had been strained since Dean’s return, first because of Ruby and Loki, then because of the angels, Sam’s powers, a siren,… there didn’t seem to be an end for them, no time to breathe and reconnect. Sometimes Sam thought that everything had been simpler two or three years ago.

When they arrived at their next hotel room, Castiel and Uriel were already waiting for them. They wanted Dean to ‘interrogate’ Alastair and didn’t expect a no, or, to quote Uriel: _“Who said anything about asking?”_

Within the blink of an eye, Uriel and Castiel were gone and Dean with them. Sam knew he couldn’t leave Dean with them; his brother was teetering on the brink of a breakdown. He was no longer the strong, great hero of a brother Sam had made him out to be as a child, an image he had never quite managed to shake off until recently.

Sam summoned Loki. The demigod refused to carry a cell phone for Sam’s sake so the hunter usually summoned him. The demigod appeared without any fanfare in the motel room holding literally a red herring half his own size in his hand.

The downside of the ritual was obviously that Sam never knew what he would catch Loki doing.

“What’s _that_ for?” The hunter asked, expression disbelieving and a bit disgusted.

The Trickster grinned brightly. “Are you sure you want to know?” Casually he snapped the fingers of his other hand and the fish disappeared.

“No,” Sam decided.

Loki nodded as if to say: ‘Wise choice.’ Wiping his hands on his jeans, he stepped into Sam’s space. “I’m guessing you didn’t summon me to chat.”

“The angels took Dean,” Sam explained.

The demigod’s eyebrows flew up and he barked a laugh. “And they didn’t tell you where they took him?”

“No. They want him to torture Alastair. Apparently, Dean was under his knife in Hell and later became his ‘student’.”

“What kind of information are they looking for?” Loki looked wary.

“A demon is killing angels.”

The Trickster’s frown deepened the lines in his forehead. He looked as if he wanted to say something but for some reason decided to remain mute. When he didn’t speak up, Sam picked up:

“I need you to find out where they took Dean. He can't do it.”

“I imagine his training in Hell was pretty good,” the demigod commented casually.

“No, I mean, he can't do it. He can't get the job done. Something happened to him downstairs. He's not what he used to be. He's not strong enough.”

“And you are?”

Sam huffed. “That doesn’t matter. I’m not leaving him alone out there.”

“I’ll make some inquiries,” Loki said slowly. What had before been only mild curiosity had turned into what Sam recognized as determination. And he knew that nothing could stop this trickster on his path.

 

When Loki returned, he was clearly in hurry.

“We need to go, now!” He grabbed Sam by the arm and pulled him off his chair.

“Dean?” Sam merely asked.

“Yes. Hold on tight.”

It was the first time Loki had teleported himself _and_ Sam. It was disconcerting because one moment Sam was in a motel room and the next he was standing in front of a warehouse. The ground seemed to have been literally taken out from under Sam’s feet and he swayed when they arrived. It had taken less than a second but it was nevertheless a strange sensation.

“They’re in there.” The demigod pointed at the warehouse.

Everything in Sam itched to go inside and a foreboding feeling made itself known.

“Let’s go.”

With long strides he approached the building, the Trickster behind him. They were just in time to see that Alastair was free. Blood matted his shirt and pants like an art project and trailed down his face in thick drops; he was holding Castiel against a wooden post by his throat as he chanted. The angel’s eyes and mouth shone with a bright light as if the demon was pulling Castiel’s grace out of his vessel.

Sam extended a hand, palm outstretched, to channel his powers. He managed to choke the demon and throw him bodily against a wall. Castiel slid to the ground while Alastair strained against the wall.

“Stupid pet tricks,” he muttered.

“Who's murdering the angels?” Sam demanded. “How are they doing it?”

“You think I'm gonna tell you?”

“Yeah, I do.”

Sam twisted his hand and Alastair's eyes rolled up to show the demon’s true eye color, the same milky white as Lilith’s. He strained to speak but only choked more.

“How are the demons killing angels?” Sam repeated.

Blood and spittle rattled in the demon’s lungs as he choked out: “I – don't – know!”

“Right.” Sam closed his fingers into a fist and turned it. Castiel was watching the effect disbelievingly. Sam, however, knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep this up for much longer. Alastair was strong and the Winchester hadn’t used this much of his powers for too long.

Finally the demon yelled: “It's not us. We're not doing it.”

“I don't believe you.”

“Lilith is not behind this. She wouldn't kill seven angels. Oh, she'd kill a hundred, a thousand.”

That, at last, sounded plausible. Loki seemed to think so too, as he stepped past Sam and indicated to the hunter with a look that he could stop holding the demon now. The Winchester released Alastair, who collapsed against the wall, his chest heaving with frantic breaths.

Still the demon smirked at Sam. “Oh, go ahead. Send me back, if you can.”

“I’ll gladly take that job off his hands,” Loki spoke up, dark glee in his voice. He raised a single finger, this time not in a snap as usually.

The demon watched curiously but there was little time for apprehension to dawn on his face as Loki drew a downward spiral in the air. Alastair’s chokes turned into yells and screams and golden light sparked inside and over his vessel as his body was forced to his knees. By the time Loki reached the end of the spiral, the demon was on the ground and with a final jerk of the Trickster’s hand, the demon was dead.

Castiel looked at the demigod with shock. He had barely opened his mouth to say something when Loki cut him off harshly:

“Shut it, Castiel.” His eyes were deadly but even seeing him like this, Sam was surprised that the angel obeyed. The Winchester didn’t wait any longer and ran to his brother, who was still lying unconscious on the floor.

 

Sam didn’t see the rest of it play out. He saw Castiel again at the hospital and told him to look elsewhere for the angel-killer. Loki had already left by then, promising to be by soon. Sam was only glad to hear later that Uriel had been killed by Anna.

* * *

It was nearing the end of February and he didn’t even need to guess who it was when there was a knock on the door. After all, it had been foretold and he had been waiting all evening. He had argued with Dean, he had laughed at the mere notion even while remembering having sex with Ruby, he had burned the hex bags. Everything for this moment.

He knew he wasn’t strong enough. He was supposed to kill her but perhaps he would never be strong enough. But he was done running. He wouldn’t hide from her like Dean wanted them to do, he wouldn’t _swim_ across the river just to get out of town. Instead, he would meet her head-on and look into her white eyes.

Sam opened the door quickly. There was no one there, only the cold air, which chilled his skin. The hunter closed the door again. Instinctively he knew that he was no longer alone. He turned, forgetting to breathe because despite the brave face he had put on in front of Dean, he knew the danger, and there, no two steps behind him–

He heaved a sigh of relief and annoyance.

“Loki!”

The demigod smirked. “I’m guessing you were waiting for her.”

Right in front of Sam’s eyes, the Trickster’s shape shifted, flickered and changed into a blonde woman wearing black pants, a black shirt showing cleavage and an open black vest or corsage. The woman’s eyes turned up until only white remained and she smiled.

Sam jerked back. “What the hell?!”

She chuckled. “Not quite. It’s still me.”

“Why… why are you doing this? What’s going on?!”

“Well, I heard that you were expecting her and I thought she should keep her appointments. Especially since it was prophesized and all.”

The brief wiggle of the eyebrows looked strange on her, unusual, but to Sam it was pure Loki.

“You knew about Chuck all along?” He demanded. “That he’s a prophet? That someone is writing _books_ about us?”

“Of course I did. I wanted to have a look at the poor fucker they got to write it all down.” She pressed her lips together, one corner of her mouth turning down as she looked away. “He looks almost as bad as Luke, let me tell you. Sometimes I wonder what they’re thinking up there.”

“What’s going on?” Sam demanded insistently. His forehead was creased in a fierce frown, his muscles were tense with anxiety and anger.

The Trickster turned back to the hunter. Sam could tell he was up to no good.

“Lilith couldn’t keep her date with you so I thought I’d be nice and fill in for her.” The Trickster patted the bed.

Sam approached slowly, hesitantly. “Do you have to be in that form?”

“We need to make it look real, baby. Trust me?”

Reluctantly, the hunter allowed Loki to pull him onto the bed on top of her. She stroked over his chest slowly, fingers mapping his skin over his shirt.

“Dean can’t know it was me,” the Trickster told him honestly.

“Why not? He’s my brother.” As much as it pained Sam that their relationship had suffered so much in the past months, he was also certain that he was on the right path. It was only Dean’s doubts and fears which made him disagree with Sam. 

“The company he’s keeping isn’t good for him.”

“The angels?”

“Yes,” the demigod confirmed.

Sam swallowed. He hesitated still but only for an instant.

“What do I need to do?”

“For now, take your demon-killing knife and pretend that you’re trying to kill me.”

While Sam did not completely understand why, he saw no harm in doing what Loki said. He allowed more of his weight to rest on the body beneath him, unable to not enjoy the sensation of her soft breasts against his chest.

The Trickster beneath him laughed. “Miss a few things in a woman after all? Perhaps I should do this more often.”

“Do me a favor and don’t pretend to be Lilith next time.”

Loki only grinned beneath him. “Show time,” he whispered. 

Sam’s fist closed around the hilt of the knife and attacked. Loki blocked him and with her superior strength, rolled them around until Sam was at the bottom and the demigod sitting astride him. She raised the knife in preparation to stab when the door burst open and Dean and Chuck entered.

“I am the prophet Chuck!”

‘Lilith’ slid off Sam. “You’ve got to be joking,” she sneered.

The prophet raised an arm as if to keep her away but it did not stop the disguised demigod’s approach. Suddenly, the ground started to shake beneath them. 

“Oh, this is no joke,” Dean assured her even as he looked around himself. “You see, Chuck here’s got an archangel on his shoulder.”

A picture frame fell off the wall and onto the bed as the room continued to shake. A bright light could be seen through the windows. The quaking had become so strong that Dean was shouting:

“You've got about 10 seconds before this room is full of wrath and you're a piece of charcoal. You sure you want to tangle with that?”

Plaster began to rain down on them. Sam was beginning to get the impression that the archangel would not only come down on Lilith but on all of them. He couldn’t help the feeling of panic on Loki’s behalf. Had the demigod known what would happen, who he would possibly have to fight?

The demigod turned to Sam, giving him a significant look. Then, she opened her mouth and a dark cloud of what looked like demonic essence left her body, leaving through the window and shattering the glass in the process. The woman fell to the floor where she lay motionless.

The trembling stopped immediately. There was no archangel in sight. Sam panted on the bed, his heart in his throat; Dean and Chuck hesitantly approached the body as if expecting she might move.

She didn’t. Sam moved off the bed and knelt next to her to take her pulse. It was weak but there. The woman probably wasn’t even real. The hunter had always known about Loki’s ability to make not only objects appear but also people who lived and breathed as everyone else did, people like boxing underwear models and chainsaw-wielding psychopaths. Or demons with black smoke coming out of their mouths who looked real enough to Dean, to a prophet and a fricking _archangel_.

“Let’s get out of here,” Dean said.

Sam didn’t argue but threw the few things he hadn’t packed yet into his bag: a t-shirt which actually looked like it was Dean’s even though he had already packed a few hours ago, his toothbrush and the gun in the nightstand. The knife he kept close.

“Wha- what about her?” Chuck stuttered, head jerking to the blonde on the floor.

The older hunter hesitated.

“She’ll be fine,” Sam replied.

It was all the reassurance Dean needed. He grabbed his bag and waited until Sam joined him by the door. Chuck looked toward the woman several times until Dean herded him out of the room.

“Come on,” he said.

Sam left the key inside the door in the lock. The hotel owners would find the room a bit worse for wear but the woman would probably be gone the moment they shut the front door.

They took Chuck back to his house. The poor guy was still twitching nervously, probably dearly wishing for a drink. Sam couldn’t blame him. He’d like to have one, too.

But the Winchesters were on their way out of the city. Dean drove, and if it hadn’t been for the fact that there was no music, things might have been normal. The silence was strained. They had long left the town behind – the bridge had miraculously opened again – when Dean finally deigned to speak.

“So, Lilith. What did she want?”

“We didn’t get to talk much. You came in just five minutes after she arrived.”

The older Winchester snorted. “Got you into bed pretty quickly then.”

“I wasn’t _in_ bed,” Sam defended himself, annoyed at his brother. “I tried to stab her and we ended up _on_ the bed.”

“She was stronger,” Dean stated. “When we came in she looked ready to kill you.”

Sam didn’t answer. 

“That’s exactly why I told you it was too dangerous. If Cas hadn’t given me the hint with the archangel watching Chuck…”

“Castiel. Again. Don’t you see how the angels are jerking you around? And you’re letting them?”

“I’m not letting them jerk me around. I trust Castiel.”

“More than me?”

Dean beat his fist against the steering-wheel. “You sure as hell don’t make it easy to trust you!” He exclaimed. “Ever since I’ve come back, you’ve been different.” He exhaled angrily. “Why am I even wasting my time? We’ve already talked about this.”

Sam gritted his teeth. He could see that it was of no use trying to talk to his brother. He wouldn’t listen.

“Are we stopping any time soon?”

“No,” Dean answered shortly. “Get some sleep.” And as if to piss off his brother even more, he put in a tape.

* * *

The screen flashed her name. Sam hesitated in answering. It had been a while since they’d last talked. Loki had quickly and efficiently taken her place. He could have asked her to help him find Dean; instead he had asked the Trickster. He hadn’t been disappointed. Yet he still did not wholly understand the demigod’s game with Lilith and, so far, the demigod had not decided to enlighten him. However, Sam hadn’t been idle since Loki’s last visit. He had done what he did best: research. It had taken a while but in the end he had managed to find a passage proving the Trickster correct in that Lilith was indeed the final seal, the seal which would free Lucifer.

The information had scared him, scared him because it had shown him how far he had been willing to trust someone he should look at as the enemy to get revenge. It begged the question how far he could trust Loki. His brother would probably say not at all.

The phone stopped ringing, startling him out of his musings. After a minute it started again. This time, Sam accepted the call.

“What took you so long?” She greeted him.

“Shower,” Sam lied.

The demon grumbled. “Listen Sam, we don’t have much time anymore. You need more training.” She paused. When the hunter didn’t answer, she continued: “It would be best if you reconsidered.”

Sam reflexively shook his head even though she couldn’t see it. “No,” he answered. “I’m not doing that again. It keeps me from thinking clearly.”

“Then we need to train even more.”

“Loki is helping me with that,” the hunter claimed.

“If you don’t want to see me just say so,” she shot back annoyed. “Just don’t come to me complaining if Lilith rips you apart.”

“She won’t.”

“Whatever.”

Sam didn’t bother to come up with a reply. But he hesitated in hanging up.

“Ruby? You still there?” He asked after a long silence.

“Yeah.”

“Did you know about Adam?”

“Adam who?”

“Milligan. Adam Milligan.”

“No. Why? Who is he?”

“He’s no one,” Sam replied smoothly. “I’ll call you.” He hung up.

It was true. Adam was nothing but a memory to those who had known him and to some of those who hadn’t, like Dean and him. Adam Milligan was dust in the wind.

“You shouldn’t blame yourself,” Loki said. He carded his hand through the human’s long hair.

“I wish we had been able to help him. That we had found him sooner.”

“He was already dead by the time you got the call from his evil twin alias the ghoul,” the demigod argued.

Sam sighed and let his head drop backwards onto the Trickster’s naked chest. “I know.”

His lover continued petting him. Sam idly wondered whether he would end up with braids in his hair. If the Trickster picked the thought up, he didn’t react to it.

“You know how people ask God how he could let bad things happen to them or their loved ones? How they scream to the heavens that it’s unfair they got cancer and the rapist next door got a new victim instead of justice?”

“Is this another lecture of yours about why you play your deadly pranks on people that deserve it?”

The hunter could feel him shrug. “I guess it’s part of that.”

The silence stretched between them. Sam felt comfortable like this. Loki had snapped up a bigger bed which should take up more space than the motel room had available but for some reason didn’t. Dean had announced that he would be away for the whole night so they had taken their time with sex which Sam, despite his weakness a few weeks ago, still didn’t dare call ‘making love’ out loud. Finally they had nestled together with Loki sitting up against the headboard and Sam lying between his legs, resting against the demigod’s upper body. It made for a change. Usually he was the one doing the supporting, whether because he was a guy or because of his size. But demigod’s didn’t squash easily, as Loki had told him.

“It’s all about free will,” Loki resumed.

“Where’s my free will in getting cancer?” Sam wondered out loud.

The demigod chuckled, the vibrations shaking the hunter’s body.

“Of course you wouldn’t see.” Tenderly, he stroked his fingers over Sam’s cheek as he mocked: “Puny little human. Stupid little man.” Lips pressed a kiss into his hair. The demigod was unusually mellow.

Sam couldn’t help feeling slightly insulted. “Aren’t you even more stupid for helping me then?”

“No. I’m a good son because I love you stupid, puny little humans. Luci was thrown out of Heaven because he wouldn’t bow down to mankind. God told him to but Lucifer refused. He fell and many other angels fell with him. Michael fought him and finally put him in a cage, bound with 600 seals.”

“What does that have to do with free will? Are you trying to tell me that humans have free will and angels don’t?”

“Oh angels have it, they just don’t use it. Or actually they have started using it, at least those in the upper management. The ones down in the ranks, I’m afraid, are as free-will-less as when they were born. Free will is the possibility to choose to do evil or good. If you do good, someone will benefit from it. If you do evil, others will suffer for it. That’s just the way it is. God has a non-interference policy. Well, he had anyway. But since he’s MIA now I’m guessing that hasn’t changed.” Loki rested his chin on the top of Sam’s head.

“Why are you telling me all this?”

The demigod hummed. “I don’t know,” he claimed. “Perhaps I’m trying to give you an idea of the bigger picture.”

“So, if the angels have free will what are they doing with it? Waiting for the apocalypse and putting up a half-assed fight?”

“Good guess, lovely. The thing is, there’s a prophecy – and believe me, I know it _very_ well – that says that after the final fight with Lucifer, which will destroy the world and so on and so forth, everyone will have paradise.”

“Everyone but the humans?”

“Well, the humans, too. Just, maybe, a few hundred thousands of them instead of 7 billion.” He paused. “And then there’s the Lucifer fraction of course. Those are the angels who have finally admitted to agreeing with Lucifer after all in that humans are cockroaches. Or mud monkeys as they like to say.”

“I don’t think I like either of those fractions.”

The Trickster lifted the human off his body and turned onto his side, where he was able to look him in the eye.

“You know, you’ve managed something no one has been able to do for centuries.”

“What’s that?”

“You managed to make me care about this world again. Sure, I’ve been pulling tricks for a while now, punishing the evil and all that crap. But this is different. I like you, Sam Winchester.”

Sam didn’t know what to say. It was an unusual confession for Loki and Sam didn’t know why he said it and why now.

“I like you, too,” Sam finally replied. It was the best he could do for now. “Even though I know you’re not telling me everything.”

The demigod smiled. “That’s okay. You’ll see, eventually.” 

Just at that moment, Sam’s cell phone rang. Sam wanted to ignore it but the demigod snapped it into his hand and looked at the display.

“Your brother,” he announced. “You should take it, it’s probably important.” He held it out.

Sam accepted it unwillingly. “Yes?”

“Castiel needs help,” Dean told him. “I’m coming to the motel to get you. Meet me outside.”

“Okay,” Sam hung up, already rising off the bed.

“Remember what I said about free will. The angels are starting to use it. Castiel has started, too. But the upper ranks, they don’t like it when that happens,” Loki said.

Sam pulled on his boxers and jeans. “You’re not coming with us?”

The demigod hesitated. “I want to,” he said, his gaze conveying that he really did want to come with Sam. “But I don’t think it would be prudent. We don’t have much longer.”

The Winchester was now up to his shirts. “What about Ruby?”

“Meet with her. Tell her you’re ready. I’ll be there when it counts.”

Sam nodded. He had to leave but he hesitated. Rushing back to the bed, he bent down for a kiss, holding Loki’s face between his palms.

“Please don’t make me regret trusting you,” he pleaded in a low voice. “Please…”

The Trickster nodded and gave a soft kiss in return. “I won’t, if you promise not to look at me differently because I’m not who you thought I was. Everything I’ve done, I did because I’m _me_. Not because I’m a trickster or a demigod.”

Sam wished he didn’t have to leave. But he could hear the Impala honking outside. There was no time.

“I’ll see you soon,” he said. The door knob in his hand he looked back again: “I love you.”

If there was a reply it was lost on him as he had already closed the door. It was only later that he thought back on Loki’s words: ‘I’m a good son…’


	4. Chapter 4

“They’ve turned him again,” Sam began without saying hello.

“Did he say anything?”

“He said: ‘I serve heaven, I don't serve man, and I certainly don't serve you.’”

Loki gave a humorless chuckle. “That sounds like successful brainwashing to me, yeah.”

“Now what?”

“Did you see Ruby?”

“She’s made herself scarce.”

Loki snorted. “Typical. You need a demon, you can’t find them. Call her again. Almost all of the seals have been broken, it’s time you killed Lilith. Where are you?”

“At Bobby’s.”

In fact he was somewhere in the scrapyard with countless skeletons of cars around him. The moon was covered by dark clouds and there was no light to see by save Sam’s cellphone. Bobby and Dean were in the house, probably either in the study or the living room, once again going over pages after pages on the apocalypse, Lucifer and Lilith.

Without even needing to hear the demigod arrive, Sam shut the phone and turned around. Loki looked small but for the first time Sam felt the air practically vibrate with power. He wondered whether it was something Loki had control over or not.

“Call Ruby again,” the demigod ordered.

Sam hoped she’d pick up but if what Loki said was true, she would. She made him wait. The first attempt achieved nothing and Sam only reached her voice mail. On the second try, she finally picked up.

“Sam?” She asked.

The hunter cleared his throat. “Yeah, it’s me. We need to meet.”

“You’re right, it’s time. But by we, I hope you mean you and me. I don’t want your demigod boyfriend hanging around.”

Sam looked up from the uneven, dirty ground to Loki as he said: “Okay. Just you and me then.”

Loki did nothing to express his disagreement. He glanced at Sam once before seemingly becoming fascinated by the night sky.

“Any suggestions where? I’m in South Dakota.”

“At Singer’s? You’ll have to take a little drive.”

“No problem.” There were more than enough cars in Bobby’s yard, some of which were functional enough that they would get him where he needed to go. The Impala was there, too, but he whether he could trust Dean to go with him, remained to be seen.

“And remember: If I see Loki, you can try and find Lilith without my help.”

“Do you know where she is?”

“I have a lead.”

 

“That definitely sounds as if she doesn’t like me,” Loki commented after Sam had hung up.

“I wonder why,” Sam commented dryly. “If I intend to do this, I need to leave soon.”

Loki agreed. “What are you going to tell Dean? The truth?”

“I don’t think it matters what I tell him.” The Winchester shrugged. “He won’t like it either way.”

“Probably not, no.”

 

Dean didn’t like it. Bobby was only slightly less against it. While both Bobby and Dean agreed that Lilith had to die to prevent her of breaking the last seals, they disagreed on the ‘how’ and ‘who’. They didn’t want Ruby involved and Dean didn’t think Sam could be the one to do it; after all, the angels had said he was the only one who could stop it.

If Sam had bothered to think about it all, he would probably have understood: Dean felt guilty for breaking the first seal and he felt as if he had to save the world. But Sam could practically feel time running out. Rufus was calling Bobby almost every hour with news of species going extinct, fishermen becoming blind, a teacher killing exactly sixty-six students, all in one day. Sam knew they were seals before Bobby had finished his research to confirm it.

During the day it was impossible to leave. Dean and Bobby were keeping a close eye on him. But that night, he got his chance. With Dean lying passed out on the sofa and Bobby over a couple of books, he sneaked out of the house and hot-wired one of the cars in Bobby’s junk yard.

A couple of miles down the road, Loki appeared in the passenger seat.

“Good, good, you got out. It was about time,” he said.

“Now what?”

“Now you meet with Ruby while I hide my lily-white ass and watch the show.”

“That’s it?!” Sam demanded incredulously. “You won’t help me kill her?”

The demigod scoffed. “Be honest, Sammy: do you even want me to help you kill her? You’ve wanted her dead since you knew she held Dean’s contract. Like I’ve said before, you’re like a dog with a bone.”

“You used to say that I shouldn’t.”

“And I can’t change my mind? Politicians do it all the time.”

“Right. Anyway, I’m meeting Ruby tomorrow. We’ll have to be quick, Dean will be on my ass as soon as he wakes up and quits ranting. He knows me too well for me to hide long.”

“Sounds like your hide-and-seek games were very boring.”

“Dad preferred the military version.”

“Speaking of Dean: he’s agreed to become Heaven’s bitch now.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning he’s on call for them now.”

“Will that be a problem for us?” Sam worried about Dean. He wouldn’t have thought it possible that Dean would agree to do Heaven’s dirty business for them.

“I doubt it.”

* * *

“Honeymoon suite, really? I'm flattered.”

Sam shut the door behind Ruby.

“You didn't book this joint just to impress me, did you?” She continued.

The Winchester shook his head. “Dean's gonna come after me. And he knows my habits, my aliases, everything. He knows exactly which motel I'd pick.”

“Hence the room,” Ruby nodded.

“Whatever it takes to shake him.”

“It won't be easy. I mean, he knows you better than anyone.”

“Not as well as he thinks.”

“You know, it's sad.”

“What?”

“That things have gotten this bad between you two.”

The hunter chuckled bitterly. “You have no idea. Where have you been? You didn’t answer your phone a couple of times.”

“I've been pretty deep in it trying to dig out Lilith. Sometimes I can't sit around and check my voicemail.”

“Whatever. Do you have a lead on her?”

“Yes and no. The final seals are breaking.”

“How many are left?”

“Three...two...,” she trailed off with a shrug, as if the exact number was unimportant.

“What?! Where are the angels?” The hunter demanded.

“Screwing the pooch, wherever they are. The point is, it's looking more and more like we're getting down to the final seal. And I found out something big.”

“What?”

“Seal sixty-six. It can't be broken by just any demon. Apparently, only Lucifer's first can do it.”

“Lucifer's first?”

“Demon Sunday School story. God prefers humans to angels. Lucifer gets jealous and then he gets creative. And he twists and tempts a human soul into the very first demon as a 'screw you' to God. It's what got him locked up in the first place.”

It was pretty much the same story as the one Loki had told him. But the demigod had neglected to mention how demons were created.

“That was Lilith?”

Ruby smiled ironically. “She's way older than she looks.”

“Wait. So if Lilith is the only one who can break the final seal, if I get to her in time—“

“Then Lucifer never busts out of his cage. Exactly.”

It sounded almost too good be true. Lilith’s death would mean the end of the apocalypse, everything he had ever wanted and all he had to do was what he’d planned to do all along. Doubt rose in him suddenly: why had Loki never told him all this? Sam was certain that he had known but for whatever reason, he had kept it from the Winchester. But Sam didn’t have time for doubts. Whatever game the Trickster claimed to be playing, Sam wanted only Lilith.

“Great,” he said. “You figure out where she is?”

“The bitch can hide. But I finally have a lead on where she’ll be. She's gonna be at a convent: St. Mary's, Ilchester, Maryland.”

Sam frowned. “A convent?”

“Yup. The place of the final seal.”

“How much time do we have left?”

“No idea.” The demon shrugged. “I guess we’d better just get there as fast as we can.”

“Yeah, I guess we’d better.” Sam’s brow remained furrowed as he contemplated the room.

“What?” Ruby asked.

“Dean should have been here by now or at least be close. This isn’t like him. Something must have happened.”

She pulled a face. “So what, you’re gonna run after him again? The apocalypse doesn’t wait for you, you know!”

The hunter grimaced. “No, I guess it doesn’t. I’m just wondering.”

Ruby remained quiet. After a while she inquired: “You’ll need a lot of juice for Lilith.”

“I have the knife just in case,” Sam said.

“The blood would help.”

Sam grimaced.

“I know you don’t want it,” she continued. “But you only have one chance at this.”

The Winchester shook his head. “It only makes me _think_ that I’m stronger but in fact it makes me weaker.”

“Is that what that Trickster told you? Even so, you’ll need all the help you can get. If suggestion does it for you, why not go for it?”

“No!” Sam denied angrily, shaking his head vehemently for emphasis. “I’m not drinking demon blood again. It’s too addictive. I can go without it.”

Ruby raised her hands in a defensive gesture. “All right,” she placated and backed off.

Sam was glad she didn’t insist. He wasn’t sure for how much longer he could have resisted the temptation the blood still represented. Even though, intellectually, he knew that the demon blood wasn’t good for him, he still felt that the strongest he had ever been was when he had been drinking Ruby’s blood. It was probably a good thing that Loki had weaned him off it early.

* * *

“Castiel, how nice to see you again.” Loki smiled insincerely at the angel. While he had wanted to speak to the angel, now was not the right time and it didn’t look as if the seraphim would be receptive to whatever he said.

“What are you doing?” Castiel demanded. He looked angry and tense.

“I have a better question for you,” the demigod shot back. “What are you doing?”

“I’m following orders.”

The Trickster snorted. “Orders. You don’t say. And whose orders are those?”

“My superiors’ orders.”

Loki shook his head slowly with exaggerated disappointment. “And I had such hopes in you, Castiel. You were almost on the right path.”

“If you do not leave now, I will have to call my brothers,” the angel threatened. But he was wavering already. Obviously the demigod’s words had had an effect but it hadn’t been enough.

The Trickster smiled sadly. “I really wish you’d change your mind. But you have some time yet.”

He made to leave.

“Wait!” Castiel called after him. Loki raised an eyebrow expectantly, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Tell me, who are you?” The seraphim requested.

Again, the demigod smiled wanly. “I don’t think that should be a factor in your decision. Goodbye, Castiel. I hope I’ll see you soon on the other side.”


	5. Chapter 5

Sam gazed at his cell phone. Ruby was driving the car while he sat in the passenger seat with nothing better to do than check his messages. The lit display read “2 New Messages”. He knew at least one would be from Dean. He wondered whether it said why his brother hadn’t bothered looking for him. Perhaps he had given up, deciding Sam wasn’t worth going after.

“What are you, a 12-year-old girl? Just play it already,” Ruby threw in from the driver’s seat.

“Mind your own business,” Sam shot back, annoyed at her intrusion.

They stopped two miles before reaching the convent at a sign. Sam was still fiddling around with the cell phone.

“Sam, it's time. Are we doing this or not?” Ruby demanded.

“Give me a minute to think.” 

“Sam-“

“Give me a damn minute, Ruby!” The Winchester demanded loudly.

“Better think fast.”

Sam pressed play to listen to the recorded messages.

“You have two unheard messages,” a mechanical voice told him before the first started to play. It was from Dean.

“Listen to me, you thick-headed, arrogant ass. I'm done trying to save you. If you want to hang around with monsters, fine. Obviously you feel more at home with them. You know what that means, Sam? You're like them, Sam, a monster. You're not my brother anymore. And there's no going back.”

A beep signaled the end of the message. Sam wiped his hand over his wet eyes and forced back his tears. To tell the truth, he hadn’t expected Dean to be this harsh. He had always thought that once this was done, they would be able to patch things up. But this time, it didn’t sound like it. There was another message but he wasn’t sure he wanted to play it. It could be another one from Dean, maybe apologizing or, more likely, even more devastating. Or it could be from Loki. He pressed play.

“Hey, Sam. You’re probably close by the time you listen to this. Just remember what I told you before. Everything is going to be alright. And killing the super-boss has always been your wet dream anyway, right? When you weren’t dreaming of me, that is. Go for it, champ.” Sam hung up.

It was enough. He was only two miles away from killing Lilith. He’d worked hard for this, had made some choices he wasn’t proud of. But it would be worth it, it had to be. He’d do it for Dean, no matter how his brother felt about it. Loki was right; this had always been his dream. There was no going back now.

“Let’s go,” he said.

“Finally!”

* * *

Dean was pacing the green room, damned to wait. He considered the pile of hamburgers. Unable to do anything else, he took one. Just as he was about to unwrap it, he was grabbed by the shoulder, shoved against the wall and a hand cowered his mouth. It was Castiel and the angel was waving a knife dangerously close to the hunter’s face. But the knife wasn’t intended for him, he understood. Dean nodded to show that he would remain quiet.

The angel released him, drew the knife across his arm and smeared the blood onto the wall to paint the same sigil Anna had used to banish angels.

“Castiel! Would you mind explaining just what the hell you're doing?” Zachariah demanded when he appeared suddenly.

Castiel hurriedly finished the sigil and slammed his hand into it. A white flash of light filled the room and the older angel disappeared with it.

“He won't be gone long,” Castiel warned. “We have to find Sam now.”

“Where is he?” 

“I don't know. But I know who does. We have to stop him, Dean, from killing Lilith.”

“But Lilith's gonna break the final seal,” Dean argued.

“Lilith is the final seal. She dies, the end begins.”

The angel transported them away. When they appeared, Chuck was on the phone. He looked up in shock. 

“Wait. T-t-this isn't supposed to happen,” he stuttered. Dean couldn’t hear what the person on the phone was saying but the next sentence was clearly meant for them. “No, lady, this is definitely supposed to happen, but I just got to call you back.”

The prophet hung up. “I...,” he stuttered.

Castiel cut him off with a gesture. “Where is Sam? We have to find him.”

“But… but you can’t! It’s the end of the world!”

“Not if we can prevent it!” Dean said. “Now where is he?”

“St- St. Mary’s in Ilchester.”

“St. Mary's?” The Winchester wondered out loud. “What is it, a convent?”

“Yeah, but you guys aren't supposed to be there. You're not in this story,” Chuck insisted.

“Yeah, well... We're making it up as we go.”

Suddenly, the house began to tremble. A bright could be seen through the windows, a light which threatened to enter into the room and extinguish all life. A painfully high sound could be heard. The cupboards sprung open.

“Aw, man! not again!” Chuck cried.

“It's the Archangel!” Castiel explained needlessly. Turning to Dean, he continued hurriedly. “I'll hold him off! I'll hold them all off! Just find Gabriel and stop Sam!”

“Gabriel?!” Dean demanded. “Who’s Gabriel?”

“Loki! He has to be somewhere close by! Stop Sam!”

Slapping his fingers quickly to Dean’s forehead, he transported the hunter to the convent.

* * *

Lilith’s minions were easy to take care of. No matter how little he had practiced lately, his abilities had never left. Calling on them was easier than he would have thought and he dropped the demons with a single thought.

He could see Lilith and he hesitated for a split second. She looked just like Loki had when he had disguised himself as her. She saw him, too. But she merely closed the door. As if that would keep him from entering. The door was easily unlocked and then he was finally face-to-face with her, the first time since the night Dean had died.

He willed his powers at her, throwing her across the room. She cried out as she hit the altar and then the floor. Slowly, Sam entered the room. He launched another burst of his powers at her, keeping her nearly motionless against the altar. He only barely noticed that Ruby shut the doors behind them. He didn’t care. Sam approached Lilith.

“I've been waiting for this... for a very long time,” he told her.

She sneered. “Then give me your best shot,” she challenged.

Sam flattened his hand. The demon lit up from the inside, her eyes changing to a golden brown as she burned. Distantly, Sam could hear someone scream his name. He hesitated when he realized that it was Dean’s voice.

“Sammy!”

Someone was knocking loudly against the door from the other side.

“What are you waiting for?!” Ruby screamed. “Now, Sam, now!”

The Winchester could barely hear her through the pounding in his ears.

“Sammy!”

Still, Sam hesitated. Suddenly, he heard a loud snapping of fingers. The pounding of blood in his ears had ceased as if it had never been there.

Lilith was gone. Only Loki was there in her stead. The door broke open and Dean stumbled into the room.

“Sam! Don’t kill her!” The older hunter shouted before he had even finished surveying the room. Once he had, he stopped suddenly.

“What-?” Dean stuttered.

Sam only looked at the Trickster, feeling bereft. His purpose was gone. He knew something had happened. He had always known something would, that Loki wasn’t telling him everything. But he still didn’t understand it. Was Lilith somewhere else after all?

“Where- where’s Lilith?” Ruby demanded, no less surprised than the humans.

Loki smirked at her. “That’s the prize question, isn’t it?” He started walking across the length of the room. “You had it all so wonderfully prepared. You and Lilith, didn’t you?”

Ruby’s face was pale with shock. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she insisted anyway, though Sam could tell she was scared and confused.

“Of course you know. You were working for Lilith. Waiting and waiting with Sam, holding him back when he dared to go too quickly, encouraging him when he wanted to turn back. Lilith had to die now, and only now. Because-“ Loki turned to them “-she _was_ the last seal.”

Sam inhaled a shuddering breath. “What?” He asked faintly.

“He’s right,” Dean confirmed in a soft voice. “Killing her would have broken the last seal and freed Lucifer. The angels told me.”

“Oh yes, the angels!” Loki picked up again. “The oh-so-righteous army of God! What were they doing? Pretending to protect the seals while only waiting for the exact same thing as the demons: the prize fight between Michael and Lucifer on earth.”

“What have you done? You weak little pagan, where is Lilith?!” The demon shrieked.

“Right here.” Loki laughed. He snapped his fingers again and ‘Lilith’ reappeared.

“The real one!” Ruby shouted. Her cheeks were red with anger and her eyes positively blazed despite their black color.

“Oh her!” Loki shrugged carelessly. “She’s dead.”

“That’s impossible! She’s too powerful for a pagan, she’s still alive! She must be!”

“Nope. Dead as a mouse. Since August, in fact. Before they ever pulled Dean out of Hell. You see, I didn’t just fool you and the rest of the demons; I fooled all of Heaven, too.” Loki nodded to himself self-satisfied. “I must say, it was my biggest trick ever.”

Ruby gaped. “That’s not possible! How…?”

The demigod shrugged again. “I am the Trickster.”

“Actually, you’re not,” Dean contradicted. “You never were. You’re an archangel. You’re Gabriel.”

Loki didn’t confirm it. He didn’t need to. He had tried to prepare Sam for it as best as he could and it was only his reaction the archangel was watching for. The younger Winchester looked pale. Despite everything he had suspected with time and all the hints Gabriel had dropped, it was still too much for him. He still couldn’t quite believe that Lilith was dead.

“She’s really dead?” He asked, needing to know, needing to hear it again.

“Yes,” Gabriel confirmed. “I killed her. The seals breaking, that was all my illusion’s work. A puppet, you could say, a hologram. Worked on everyone. The demons were disappointingly easy, though I can’t say that my brothers were much better. No one really bothered to check whether it was the real thing. They just assumed.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? In all this time, why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Gabriel’s expression was full of regret. “I couldn’t. Remember the bigger picture? You wouldn’t have seen it if I hadn’t played the game to its end. You needed to know and so did Dean and the angels.” He sighed. “So,” he turned to Ruby. “Now that you’ve served your purpose, I’m afraid you’re no longer needed. Thank you for participating and goodbye.”

The demon didn’t even have time to reply. Gabriel snapped his fingers and Ruby dropped lifelessly to the floor. She was dead and gone.

“I’m sorry, Sam, I really am,” Gabriel said, returning to the younger hunter. “I wanted to tell you but I thought it was better this way.”

The Winchester swallowed hard. “You were right. I was blind.” He felt betrayed anyway.

“Well played, brother. Well played,” a new voice said smoothly.

Sam and Dean turned to the newcomer. It was a young, handsome man in his twenties with eyes which were an even brighter blue than Castiel’s. The brothers knew immediately that he had to be an angel.

Gabriel smiled at him sadly. “Hello Michael. Fancy seeing you here.”

“Indeed,” the other archangel replied. He didn’t even look at the humans as he passed them.

“How about we talk somewhere else?” Gabriel suggested.

“A wise idea.”

There was no time for further conversation. The archangels were simply gone.

* * *

Gabriel had to admire his little brother’s tenacity but perhaps that was one of the qualities their Father had liked so much that he had granted the seraphim another life. Castiel caught up with him in Palo Alto of all places. Against the archangel’s expectations, he did not confront him personally. Instead, he left again so quickly that Gabriel was taken aback. But when he turned the next corner, he realized that he had underestimated the younger angel: Sam was waiting for him.

“How long are you going to keep running?” The Winchester inquired.

“Touché. I thought you’d be glad to have me gone.”

“I started to miss you.”

Gabriel smiled doubtfully. He seemed sad, somehow diminished compared to how the hunter usually knew him.

“Can we talk?” Sam asked.

Gabriel hesitated.

“Please.”

He sighed. “All right.”

Sam smiled. “I know a place not far from here. Jess and I used to go there all the time.”

Gabriel didn’t know whether to be pleased about that or not.

It was a small, family-owned diner they entered. An elderly woman, one of the owners, even recognized Sam and asked him how he had been.

“I’m well, thank you,” Sam replied with a friendly, open smile. Gabriel didn’t think he’d ever seen it before but then, times had been very different.

They sat down at a table away from other customers, in a corner. Once the waitress had left with their orders, Sam said:

“Castiel said you didn’t return to Heaven.”

“Why would I? I ran out of there in the first place, why would I come back when basically nothing’s changed?”

“Perhaps you could change things.”

Gabriel snorted. “As if.”

The waitress came back to put down their drinks.

“I still don’t completely understand why you killed Lilith in my stead.”

“To be honest, you gave me the idea yourself: you asked me whether I could kill her. When it didn’t look as if you’d change your mind, I knew I had to act myself.” The archangel fidgeted in his seat. “What I said to you was the truth: you managed something no one has been able to do for centuries.” He seemed reluctant to add anything else but Sam was clearly expecting more. Gabriel gave a small sigh. “I didn’t want you to scream to the heavens and blame yourself for starting the apocalypse. I love you. And believe me, when an angel says that it’s the truth and it’s for life. No marriage contracts and no option for divorce.”

“What happens when I die?”

Gabriel shrugged. “Good thing you’re going to Heaven then, isn’t it? I’m willing to consider returning in that case.”

The hunter smiled shyly. “That’s good to hear.” It was all either of them needed to say on the matter. It felt good knowing they understood each other.

“Can we talk about something else now?” Gabriel griped.

Sam’s lips quirked up into another smile. “Sometimes, you’re just like Dean, you know?”

“I wonder what that says about your relationship with your brother,” Gabriel muttered.

“We’re fixing it now. The last few months were bad for both of us. The angels pulled us apart and we were at each other’s throats all the time.”

“They did that on purpose, you know. They knew you were strong together but apart—And I made it even easier for them.”

“Yes, you did. I still can’t say I understand everything you did.”

“I’d be surprised if you did. So, Castiel hasn’t gone back to Heaven?”

“No, he’s still hanging around.”

Gabriel raised his eyebrows and grinned. “Interesting. I think I might ‘hang around’ as well. Actually, I’m pretty sure I will.”

* * *

It was June and Sam hadn’t expected to ever need to have this conversation. In a way, he was dreading it. Dean had become easier to deal with but this was a subject Sam didn’t know how he would react to. Sam picked at the sheets, avoiding Dean’s eyes. He really shouldn’t feel so embarrassed by this.

“So you wouldn’t mind if he came by sometimes?” He asked.

Dean pulled a face. It could have been worse. He could have mocked Sam.

“I’m not thrilled,” the older Winchester replied. Then he didn’t add anything for a while so Sam said:

“Noted.”

His brother sighed. “Fine! But no funny business! No tricks in my proximity and no having sex while I’m in the room!”


End file.
